Troy

Troy was born on May 10, 1995.  He made his entrance after an emergency C-section.  Then came the announcement from the doctor that he had a cleft palate and a cleft lip.  I can only say that this was a terrible shock to us and my joy at finally having my sweet baby in my arms was punctuated by deep sadness.   I couldn't help feeling sorry for him.  I was so brokenhearted that he was going to have this disability to deal with.  The medical personnel assured us that these problems could be easily repaired but I couldn't shake the sorrow that had elbowed its way into my happiness. Dispersing this cloud of gloom was a gradual process accomplished through collection of information.  It was a process of trial and error just to learn to feed him.  Because his lip was open he couldn't get an air tight seal around the nipple to suck the milk out.  He had the same problem with breast feeding.  The doctors and nurses were very helpful but they didn't have a lot of information and some of it was even wrong.  For instance, the special bottle they gave me to feed Troy was especially made for infants with cleft lips.  It was helpful, but I found out later from the surgeon that they had not showed me the correct way to use it. So Troy struggled for another several days with trying to get enough food.  He lost weight until after we had our appointment with the surgeon and they helped us to learn how to feed him. The other thing I clearly remember the surgeon teaching us was to stop feeling sad for Troy.  He said that this problem was going to be such a small thing in his life that he would likely not even notice it.  I remember that his words brought me up short.  It was like a slap in the face to someone who is hysterical.  I have always appreciated his candor.  And I sat up and changed my attitude and went forward knowing that this was a small limitation and that we were blessed to live in the county that had the best medical care on earth and we happened to be living in a city that had one of the most preeminent surgeons for this type of birth defect. And we had been miraculously directed to him by our pediatrician.
From the journal I wrote for Troy - May 27, 1995:
"We soon found out that he had some special problems that he'll have to overcome.  He has a cleft lip and cleft palate.  As they brought him to me. I just hurt for him and felt so sad that he 'd have to deal with that.  But the other thing that was so noticeable about him was his eyes.  From the very beginning they were wide open as he calmly surveyed his surroundings.  Those big blue eyes are still my favorite feature on his face.  He is so often quietly alert-looking all around.  I love to talk to him and see how he responds with those eyes.  So many people say the same thing and your brothers and sister talk about your "big eyes" too. You've captured all our hearts, Troy.  The older kids can't stay away from you--from Matthew on down--they all stop to see Troy first thing when they get home from school.  I am so happy you have come to live with us, Troy.  You are so much fun to cuddle and hug and I love to watch your little face--awake or asleep--it is angelic."